Thanks for the death threats pertaining to the snow
we're expecting to receive tomorrow.
(Forecast:  a coating by the coast; 1 -3" in the western mountains.)

Now, a weather forecaster this morning did say, "On the bright side, it
won't last long."    That fellow -who has admittedly forgotten more about
meteorology than I'll ever know- really should be careful when using the
term "bright side" relative to snow in MID MAY!!!   It is like telling a
condemned French aristocrat en route to the Guillotine,  "On the bright
side, the tumbrils have new seat warmers."

Yes, we know you've packed away the snow tires for safe keeping until the
season's first snow in late August.

Yes, we know that you've already spoken to that dyspeptic, sour-souled,
self righteous gorgon who said, "Now, when I was a child, we often had snow
in May, so I don't understand the fuss."     That statement, incidentally,
is a four-yard-long nose of a lie, unless that person grew up in the mid
Victorian era on Pluto.

Yes, we know that meteorologists explaining why this is happening does
absolutely nothing to assuage the profound grief you are understandably
experiencing at this precise moment.  Of course the realization that it is
the onslaught of cool Canadian air really helps demystify the whole
situation as we all assumed it was just a renegade air parcel catapulted
out of the Australian outback.

And, yes, we know that no calming voice, reassuring words, scientific
exposition, or idiotic e-mails will serve to soothe the inner savage that
is ripping through your rib cage at this moment and trying to shatter the
planet with a 140-decibel yawp!

So, thanks again for the death threats about the snow, because, yes, we
here in a small planetarium in Portland, Maine have somehow figured out how
to control the dynamic, sub-chaotic weather systems of this entire planet.
    So, please, since it is going to snow tomorrow, will at least one of
you follow through with that threat...today?!?