*WANDERINGS THROUGH THE MINDVERSE*

*The Fine Art of Cruelty*
Prefatory note:    I've changed the names -and perhaps genders- to protect
all involved.


So...

One afternoon, many years ago, my generally happy child came home looking
curiously crest-fallen.  Although my initial inquiries elicited only
silence, I persisted, as I noticed that *Caligula's *mood worsened as the
day progressed.  Finally, on the verge of tears, he sat next to me at the
kitchen table and withdrew a sheet of paper marked with a bold-faced "F."
 Now that the source of his sorrow had finally been revealed, he finally
broke down in tears and opened his arms for an embrace.   I placed my index
finger firmly on his forehead and pushed him away.  I then softly said.
"What do you expect? You're a stupid jackass who fails at almost
everything.  I know you harbor some lofty ambitions, but, perhaps now,
faced with this new evidence, you should abandon them."     Now despondent,
Caligula retreated to his bedroom while I, callously indifferent to the
distress my response had engendered, poured myself a cup of tea and enjoyed
it immensely.

I remember a few years ago, a dear friend called and told me that his
girlfriend "ghosted" him."    I actually didn't know that term at the
time.  It means that she stopped communicating entirely and refused to
respond to any of his attempts to re-establish contact.    "I guess she's
broken up with me, hasn't she?" he asked, his voice shaking.    In these
circumstances, it is often not easy to know how to respond.  However, I
knew exactly what to say.  "Are you surprised?  You're unattractive and
unworthy of love and affection.  I'm sorry, but as a friend, I feel
obligated to make you confront this distasteful truth.   Want to come over
and play Scrabble?"  He hung up.

💜 *I know you've fallen in love with me already, but please read on. 💜*

Just within the last year, my cousin came for a visit and during the course
of one conversation explained to me that he had tried to learn a martial
art, but didn't do well at all.  In fact, he finally quit because he felt
so utterly humiliated after each class that it was affecting his mood
throughout the entire week.   His wife told him that he was exercising
proper self-care by withdrawing.  I, on the other hand, told him straight
out that he was a loser, a joke, and probably looked so ugly, clumsy, and
stupid that he was probably reviled by all the other students.    To say
the least, his wife was displeased by my input.


So, what do you think?
All these stories are true!
Honestly...


Remember I said that I changed the names.    I was the child who earned the
"F."  Later on, I was the ghosted ex-boyfriend and still later I decided to
move light years out of my comfort zone to try a martial art with
disappointing results.     These comments I made were also not made up:  I
just said them to myself...over and over and over again.

If I had made these comments to other people, you would have properly
denounced me as cruel, callous and bereft of human sympathy.

I hope I would never be so harsh to those I cared about.

May I ask:  are you making these comments to yourself?
When life proves difficult, are you as sweet, loving and understanding to
yourself as you would be to others dealing with similar situations?

Perhaps you're awake now in the middle night with white hot knives gashing
at your insides because you withhold from yourself the same compassion that
you would naturally bestow on others.   How badly are you beating yourself
up?

Why?

I had initially entitled this article,  "The Fine Art of Self Cruelty," but
then decided to change it because I didn't want to give away the ending.
Perhaps I gave up the ending, anyway.

As always, thanks for sharing this excursion through the mindverse.
I hope I haven't wasted your time.

----------------

P.S.  One lie:    I've never invited myself to play Scrabble.

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