Sorry, but I couldn't resist sending this to you. Who can come up with an appopriate hockey virus to add to the list? >Subject: This Week's Laugh > >New Computer Viruses to watch for: >> >>BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then >>re-attaches it. (But that part will never work again.) >> >>OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and >then slowly expands back to 200MB. >> >>AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are >getting. >> >>MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much >for the AT&T virus. >> >>PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns >you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:>. >> >>POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers >to itself as an "electronic microorganism." >> >>RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old >it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a >counselor about possible alternatives. >> >>ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the >whole damn thing quits. >> >>MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. >> >>TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor. >> >>ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. >> >>DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child process >without joining into a binary network. >> >>DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant >figyour out watt! >> >>DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #3: Goes into your spellchecker and inserts random "e"s. >> >>GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software >says everything is fine. >> >>NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people >really mad just thinking about it. >> >>FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little >units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be >the most important part of your computer. >> >>GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of >their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of >error.) >> >>TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" >from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message. >> >>TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. >> >>ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. >> >>CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a >message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. >> >>AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. >> >>FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own >motherboard. >> >>PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. >> >>ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self > destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across >rural America. >> >>OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder. >> >>NIKE VIRUS: Just does it. >> >>SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply >and a set of shocks. >> >>JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again. >> >>CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, >but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. >> >>KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy. >> >>IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then >subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive >shoes it purchases through Prodigy. >> >>STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone >before. >************************* > > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ -|--------------|- David J. Melville, Senior Consultant -|-----------d--|- The Robinson Group, Ltd. -|--------d-----|- 2929 North Central Avenue, Phoenix, Arizona 85012 USA -|-----p--------|- Internet: [log in to unmask] -|--p-----------|- (602) 217-2563....FAX (602) 217-2552 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Baritone - The Phabulous Phoenicians - Keep The Whole World Singing! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----- End Included Message ----- ----- End Included Message -----