THE WANDERING ASTRONOMER Monday, January 15, 2024 Blue Monday Mythology Well, naturally. Immediately after we* posted the article containing the solemn promise to focus solely on the Great North American Eclipse of April 8, 2024 until, well, April 8, 2024, this happens. By "this," we mean that we learned something so startling that it induced us to press quill to parchment. Of course, this "something" is utterly non-astronomical and so should remain light years outside our purview. *Blue Monday* In case the expanse of coal-black cumulonimbus churning stormily above the moaning choirs of lugubrious wraiths went unnoticed, today is "Blue Monday," heralded widely and lamentably as the "year's saddest day." The third Monday of January has been mathematically determined to be the time when the collective human mood, always highly volatile, plummets headlong into the Marianas Trench. Factors responsible for this precipitous descent include the time that has elapsed since Christmas, the amount of debt incurred because of the aforementioned, human motivation levels, the period of time since we failed in our New Year's Resolutions to stick exclusively to astronomy in all of our correspondence (as an example) and, naturally weather conditions. [image: Formula-Blue-Monday.jpg] The above graphic depicts this equation. If, alas, the image is not transmitted to you by some glitch or official prohibition, let me assure you that the formula is a formidable assemblage of exponents, brackets, parentheses and even a subscript tossed in: enough to daunt any mortal mind, save that of a Hawking, Gauss or Newton. One can Goggle this monstrosity, of course, if one wishes to admire it. In fact, just looking at this masterpiece of mathematical computation is enough to convince one that, heavens above, today must be the most depressing date of the year. *Bovine Scathology.* The concept of Blue Monday is a complete and shameless hoax: a hoax designed, of course, to send us scampering with desperate haste to the nearest box store, travel agency or other such venue to assuage this desperate grief and lift us bubble-like out of the doldrums. We'll explain. First, some of the "factors" noted in the above equation are not "quantifiable." It is exceedingly difficult to tack a number onto something like "motivation factor," or "mood." Imagine you encounter your favorite Vulcan at the local pub and after asking him, "Hey, how the hell are ya?" he replies with, "Approximately 5.6 with a 0.5 margin of error on either side." Some things lend themselves only to vague approximations, not specific values. Moreover, these variables don't mix well. Think of the famous physics equation F = ma, where F equals force, m is mass and a is acceleration. Accelerating a certain object requires a force proportional to the object's mass: the greater the mass, the greater the force required for the acceleration. The change in one variable directly affects the others. Tacking together weather and debt and the vague factor of motivational levels is akin to equating your height with the color of your sandals and the separation distance between your house and the nearest fire hydrant. Also, not everyone celebrates Christmas and, to be astronomical for just a moment, the weather isn't cold, gloomy, inclement, miserable or despair-inducing everywhere in the world. Let's remember that Earth's tilt causes the seasons so that Northern Hemisphere winter occurs at the same time as Southern Hemisphere summer and vice versa. For instance, the high temperature in Rio de Janeiro today will be 96 degrees F. It is theoretically impossible to be sad in those conditions. The formula is associated with Cliff Arnall, a tutor with the Lifelong Learning Center at Cardiff University who was working with Virgin Airlines to develop a way to quantify moods as a function of date. The actual name "Blue Monday," however, was coined in 2005 by Sky Travel, which, as you might guess, is not a scientific institution devoted to the study of human psychology. It's a UK travel company that was simply seeking a gimmick to generate more sales. Now, almost two decades later, Blue Monday has become yet another over-marketed date such as Black Monday or Cyber Tuesday or Vermillion Thursday** And, happily for some, Blue Monday has become a reliable source of good cheer. According to Internet Retailing, in 2023 online sales increased 18% on January 16, last year's Blue Monday. One can only guess how the registers will ring out today! While we have no aversion to cheerful commerce, we become slightly annoyed when campaigns are launched to darken human moods just for the fun of it. As any American fan of World Cup Soccer (MEN's World Cup Soccer) can attest, the world can often serve as a depthless cauldron of variegated miseries in and of itself without any extra encouragement from travel companies. Moreover, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a legitimate condition that afflicts so many during this time of year. Adding a hoax into the mix serves only to exacerbate the situation, not ameliorate it, thank you very much. So, if you're looking darkly at your desk calendar today and thinking, "well, we're all mathematically pre-destined to be morose and despairing now," draw in a deep breath and realize that in this instance anyway, the gloom is chimerical: a product of non-rigorous mathematics and unscrupulous marketing. Be well. *Although there is only one fellow writing this tripe, the "we" refers to the entire Southworth Planetarium staff, even though some of them might prefer not to be included in this plural pronoun. I am too courteous to ask them one way or the other. **Oh, we're getting ahead of ourselves. Vermillion Thursday won't come into vogue until the mid 22nd century.