WANDERINGS THROUGH THE MINDVERSE
Soul and Ego Part II
We'll start your Monday with splendid news.
You are strong.
You are confident.
You are the exact person you want to become.
You are part of the immensely powerful lifeforce pervading the cosmos and are able to extract strength from it at any time.
Now, if, by chance, you're saying to yourself:
I am not strong, or confident and I have striven to be who I want to be, but to no avail, and you cannot draw strength from nothingness, well, please continue reading.
From what I can gather from my own experience and listening to and reading the works of spiritual teachers, the problem is one of dichotomy: the split between soul/spirit and ego.
Almost all of my regrets and disagreeable behaviours -both lamentably abundant- derive from the times when I was guided by ego. Lack of courage prevents me from discussing these cringe-worthy moments. However, believe me when I tell you that they make me go flush with deep shame.
If that is true with you, also, as it likely is with most people, first take heart.
That is not representative of who you truly are.
Ego is the aspect of the self that remains so constantly fearful of discomfort and annihilation that it will compel us to act in destructive ways merely to fortify it. Anger, of course, is a common means by which the ego experiences a rapid inflation. One doesn't have to spend much time perusing newspapers or history books to understand anger's potency or consequences.
Spirit is the self: is the calm, fully alive and alert self that revels in this miraculous, albeit strange, world in which we have found ourselves. It enhances joy as readily as it accepts sorrow. It knows that life, the pure beautiful, rapturous life, is manifested in every single breath.
That is all very well, but, how to access it?
By sheer repetition. By deliberately deciding to shift away from ego and onto spirit. Not an easy task, at least not for me...and it continues to be a fierce challenge most of the time.
But, heavens, I feel the difference.
Ego is my anxiety, my anger toward some others toward whom I harbor a self-harming resentment, and my tendency to constantly seek approval from others. (Even though I am writing in the dark, I can now read by the glow on my face.) Paradoxically, it also separates me from the Universe and seeks out adversaries where few actually exist.
When I access the spirit, I feel liberated from all that turmoil. The anxiety dissolves and is replaced with a sense of serene confidence in self., The world becomes like a sunny day at an outdoor marketplace.
Unfortunately, having spent so much time nourishing the ego at the expense of the spirit, the former remains the far more powerful of the two entities. Consequently, the turning away from the ego toward the spirit sometimes seems like a Herculean labor. Of course, as I continue with this labors, I have found that the moments of deep angst and misery are becoming fewer and farther between.
Now, if you'll forgive me, I will end by describing only myself:
My ego has often been a petulant child cringing behind a barrier it perceived as being impregnable.
My spirit is the adult who stands tall and looks at others with a warmth and cheerful benevolence.
To access it is to listen to the calm voice within who observes you with affection and without judgement. He/she is literally accessible with each breath. Incidentally, I used to think that notion was completely preposterous.
I am so glad I don't anymore.
Happy Monday!
As usual, I hope I haven't wasted your time.