Sorry, but I couldn't resist sending this to you.  Who can come up with
an appopriate hockey virus to add to the list?
 
>Subject: This Week's Laugh
>
>New Computer Viruses to watch for:
>>
>>BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then
>>re-attaches it. (But that part will never work again.)
>>
>>OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and
>then slowly expands back to 200MB.
>>
>>AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are
>getting.
>>
>>MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much
>for the AT&T virus.
>>
>>PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns
>you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.
>>
>>POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead  refers
>to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
>>
>>RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old
>it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a
>counselor about possible alternatives.
>>
>>ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just  before the
>whole damn thing quits.
>>
>>MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
>>
>>TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
>>
>>ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
>>
>>DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child process
>without joining into a binary network.
>>
>>DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant
>figyour out watt!
>>
>>DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #3: Goes into your spellchecker and inserts random "e"s.
>>
>>GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software
>says everything is fine.
>>
>>NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
>really mad just thinking about it.
>>
>>FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of  little
>units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be
>the most important part of your computer.
>>
>>GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent  of
>their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of
>error.)
>>
>>TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort"
>from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.
>>
>>TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
>>
>>ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
>>
>>CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a
>message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
>>
>>AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
>>
>>FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
>motherboard.
>>
>>PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
>>
>>ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self
> destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across
>rural America.
>>
>>OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
>>
>>NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
>>
>>SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power  supply
>and a set of shocks.
>>
>>JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
>>
>>CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously,
>but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
>>
>>KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
>>
>>IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then
>subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all  on expensive
>shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
>>
>>STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone
>before.
>*************************
>
>
>
>
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