As I read a recent issue of Sports Illustrated (3/20/95), I took my usual
notice to The Point After article.  The article was entitled "A Method th the
Madness - Filling out an NC$$ tournament sheet can bring some pretty crazy
ideas to mind".  It highlighted various way people pick the winners in that
other college sports tournament held in March.  The method I found
extremely interesting was the "Battling Mascot Theory".
 
The theory "Determine(s) which school's mascot would win in a head-to-head
fight and choose accordingly.  The principle of this theory are as follows
 
1. Larger animal mascots beat smaller ones.
 
2. Human mascots beat smaller animal mascots and larger animal mascots
when the human is armed.
 
3. Golden mascots have an edge against those with no traces of that element.
 
My addendum: All colors will conform to rainbow order with RED being the
highest.
 
4. Human mascots with religious affiliations can rely on divine
intervention against most other mascots.
 
5. Natural phenomena mascots can beat any mascot except those with supreme
or supernatural powers.
 
With all this in mind, I would like to apply this theory to this years
NC$$ hockey tournament, and to  G. M. Finniss you can count this as an entry
 
 
The first game in the West bracket pits the Engineers vs. the Golden
Gophers - winner the ENGINEERS (Sorry Minnesota, the "GOLD" does not help a
gopher against a calculator carring Engineer)
 
The second game in the West bracket has the Spartans vs. the Badgers -
winner the SPARTANS (Armor clad men vs. a badgers not even close)
 
The first game in the east bracket has the Pioneers vs. the Wildcats -
winner the PIONEERS (The wildcat is a very aggressive animal, but if a
pioneer can't beat a relitively small animal there would not be much
pioneering going on and we would still be thirteen colonies)
 
The second game in the East pits the Lakers vs. the Golden Knights -
winner the GOLDEN KNIGHTS (Tough call.  If a Laker is the person who
operates a Great Lake freighter then a Knight would definitely beat them.
But if a Laker is the boat itself, then the Knights will have to ditch the
horses and armor [or sink attempting to swim], but they will probably still
take over the boat)
 
The first quarter final in the West, the Engineers vs. the Tigers - winner
the TIGERS (Tigers eat people [Engineers] for breakfast)
 
The second quarter final in the West, the Spartans vs. the Wolverines -
winner the SPARTANS (Sorry Michigan, I know this is a great rivalry, but
by these rules the armor is just to tough)
 
The first quarter final in the East, the Pioneers vs. the Black Bears -
winner the BLACK BEARS (Many Pioneers lost their lives at the hands of a bear)
 
The second quarter final in the East, the Golden Knights vs. the Terriers
- winner the GOLDEN KNIGHTS (Armored men on horses beating a dog, is that
fair?)
 
The first semi-final the Spartans vs. the Black Bears - winner the SPARTANS
(The animals keep getting bigger but the armor is holding strong)
 
The second semi-final the Golden Knights vs. the Tigers winner the GOLDEN
KNIGHTS (get the lance ready and don't let the tiger get hold of the horse)
 
The FINALS the Spartans vs. the Golden Knights winner - THE GOLDEN KNIGHTS
(after a long hard fought quintuple overtime battle the GOLD in the KNIGHT
outlasts the rigorous SPARTAN training.
 
 
 
disclaimer:  This has been a humorous look at one possible (but highly)
improbable outcome of the upcoming NC$$ tournament.  I have meant no
disrespect to any school, their students, alumni, and their mascots.
Every school has earned its way to this tournament and I wish each and
every one the best of luck.
 
K. Powers