Hey folks!  What time is it?  It's battling Mascot time!
 
Back for a second season, Drum Roll Please ..... TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP
 
(Sorry, just a little self indulgent hype)
 
The NC$$ tournament prediction entry based on team mascots.
 
BACKGROUND:  Last year, SI ran a column in the Point After section of
the magazine about how the author filed out his office basketball (boo hiss)
pool sheet based on team mascots, and he did rather well.  I tried to
apply the theory to hockey last year, and did miserably.  Well, it's time to
try it again.
 
DISCLAIMER: I in no way mean to offend any school or school mascot
with this post, it is meant strictly as humorous look at how someone
might pick the winners in a tournament solely based on teams mascot or
nickname.
 
Here are the rules:
 
1. Big animal mascots beat small animal mascots
2. Human mascot beat small animal mascots
3. Big animal mascots beat human mascots
4. Human mascots with weapons beat big animal mascots
5. Religious human mascots beat human mascots with weapons and large
   animal mascots (divine intervention)
6. Natural phenomena mascots (i.e. Alabama Crimson Tide) beat all living
   mascots
7. Finally, Supernatural mascots beat everyone (sorry SLU, you didn't
   make it again this year)
 
color corollary: equal mascots are based on color (rainbow order).
Metallic colors (gold, silver, bronze, copper) beat rainbow colors.
 
so here we go....
 
starting in the West
 
#3 Minnesota Golden Gopher vs #6 Providence Friars
Rule 2.  Human mascots beat small animal mascots.  But if Minnesota
brings that large skating gopher (who walks on the boards) they had at
the Phinal Phour last year, then Providence is still covered by rule 5
for religious mascots (that will be 1 Hail Mary). - I'll pick Providence
 
#4 U-Mass Lowell Riverhawks vs #5 Michigan State Spartans
Rule 2 also.  Human mascots beat small animal mascots.  Yes the Riverhawk
is an aggressive animal, so Rule 4 can be throw in for good measure.
Human mascots with weapons beat big/aggressive animal mascots.  However,
MSU will probably need a bow to shoot down the Riverhawks. - I'll pick MSU
 
to the East
 
#3 Lake Superior State Lakers vs #6 Cornell Big Red
This one is really tough.  Cornell had these terrific skating bears at
Lake Placid last weekend, but their official nickname is the Big Red,
I'll stretch this one a bit and give Cornell the bear, and apply Rule 3.
Large animal mascots beat human mascots (assuming the Lakers are the
people who operate the Great Lakes cargo ships and not the ships
themselves.  Please help with this one so I can get it right next
year.  By the way didn't some mention a duck (rule 1))  Either way, the
Cornell bear will have to go for a swim to get this win. - I'll pick Cornell
 
#4 Western Michigan Broncos vs #5 Clarkson Golden Knights
Rule 4 again.  Human mascots with weapons beat large animal mascots.  The
guys on the horses with the armor and swords should not have a problem
rounding up the Broncos - I'll pick Clarkson
 
West Quarter-Finals
 
#1 Colorado College Tigers vs #5 Michigan State Spartans
The mightly Spartans beat the Ferocious Tigers with their magic shield
and helmet (just like Bugs Bunny).  The sword is mightier than the claw.
-I'll take MSU
 
#2 Michigan Wolverines vs #6 Providence Friars
The Friars ride rule 5, (religious mascots beat large/aggressive mascot) past
the tough Wolverines into the Semi's (that will be 2 Hail Marys). - I'll
take Providence
 
East Quarter-Finals
 
#1 Boston University Terriers vs #5 Clarkson Golden Knights
A classic case of rule 2 and rule 4.  The big mean men with the armor and
the swords chase the dog away (I don't think a pitbull would have helped
here.  What breed is Rex?). - I'll take Clarkson
 
#2 Vermont Catamounts vs #6 Cornell Big Red
A true wilderness battle.  With the Tigers dispatched, this leaves
Dorothy's other two concerns (lions [big cats] and bears, OH MY).  By size
the edge goes to bear, and for good measure  I'll throw in the color
corollary (Red beats Green).  - I'll take Cornell
 
Semi-Finals
 
#5 Clarkson Golden Knights vs #6 Providence Friars
Rule 5 once again, as divine intervention carries Providence to the
finals.  The gold in the Golden Knights, cannot carry them this year.
Clarkson goes down to defeat (That will be 3 Hail Marys). - I'll take
Providence
 
#6 Cornell Big Red vs #5 Michigan State Spartans
In this game, might makes right, as Michigan State uses it's bread and
butter rule 4 again along with their strong military training to defeat the
persistent Bears.
 
Finals
 
#5 Michigan State Spartans vs #6 Providence Friars
Providence "dance's with the one that brought them", Rule 5.  The Friars
once again aided by divine intervention defeat another well trained,
well discipled, strong, armor clad, sword welding opponent.
 
Champion --- #6 Providence Friars (You better do the entire Rosary now)
 
These are my predictions why.  They don't have a lot if anything to do
with hockey, but it's just one way of looking at the Tournament.  We'll see
how I do in two weeks, and may the best team win.
 
Kevin Powers
 
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