In response to some posting I saw recently on matching the Maine Black Bears
with the NHL Ottawa Senators, and much bandwidth on Paul Kariya in recent
months, I present to you a possible scenario. Imagine a conversation with
four hockey-minded members of the Orono community...(with apologies to SNL)
 
Fan A-"So now it's time to consider who's a gonna win da NCAA title. 'B'?"
Fan B-"Da Bears!"
Fan C-"Da Bears!"
Fan D-"Da Bears!"
A,B,C,D:" DA BEARS!"
B-"Hey, "A", could ya pass da lobsta tails wit da white clam sawce?"
A: "Sure, now I ask- who will they face an' what would be da scaw??"
B: "mmmm gulp chomp chomp" (mouth full of lobster)
C: "It'll be Hahvard versus da BEARS in da Finals. BEARS 10, Hahvahd 2!"
D: "RPI'll make it to the finals BUT....BEARS 9, RPI 3!"
B: "Aw, cmon! Clarkson will have a dream end-of-year push BUT... I have to
    say da Bears, 17-1!"
A: "Well, as for me, I go wit da Bears ovah Duloof, 26-0! Now how bout us
    playin' da Ottawa Senators!"
B: "BEARS 27, Ottawa 1!!!"
D: "Definitely Da BEARS, 33-0!"
C: "No expansion team has a prayah of a chance against......DA BEARS!
    I'll say Bears, 41-0!!"
A: "Well, I'll give credit to da Ottawa offense, but still...DA BEARS!
    Bears 36, Ottawa 3! Now for that ACHA undefeated team, Penn State!"
C: "ACHA? What's an Ack-hah? C'mon, you got ta be kiddin me! Bears 69,
    Penn State- ZIP!!!"
B: "DA BEARS- 88-0!"
D: "DA BEARS- 99-0!"
A: "I'll have to say that DA BEARS will burn out the Milwaukee scawbawd by
   goin three digits. Bears 200, PennState 0. Kariya will just skate up an'
   down their spines and have 105 goals and 81 assists! Now what if it wuz
   Kariya versus da Penn State Icahs?"
B,C,D "DA SAME!!!"
A: "Well, I'll have to say that since there will be only seven men on da ice
    instead of 12, I'll say Kariya will have less bodies around and in front
    of him, so I say Kariya 240, Penn State 3! Now, what about Kariya versus
    NHL all-stars. Wales conference!"
B: "The Wales conference scored 16 goals in da All-Stah Game cuz theres no
    checkin. Kariya will mow them down! Kariya 76, NHL 4!!"
C: "Lindros? Richter? Messier? Oates? Juneau? KARIYA! Final- 79-1!"
D: "Kariya 66-0"
A: "Since theres other formah BEARS in da NHL, I'll be fair and say Kariya
    wins, 24-5!"
C: "Aw, cmon. I can't believe yer sayin dat it'll be close!!"
B: "Pass anothah Sam Adams ovah here!"
D: "An I'll take more New England Clam Chowdah!!!"
A: "OK, Kariya versus da NHL, but dis time Kariya's only a foot tall. Who
    would win?"
B: "uhhh...Kariya, 44-3!"
C: "Definitely Kariya, 46-2!"
D: "Gotta go wit Paul, 41-3!"
A: " My pick- Kariya, 20-9!! OK, last question- Kariya is Six Hundred Years
    old, half blind, still 12 inches tall with a three ton stick. He's
    playin da Arcangels from heaven on a rink three miles long by one mile
    wide. The goals are only four inches high by six inches wide and Moses
    and his magic staff is the goalie for the Heaven All Stars! Who would
    win???"
A,B,C,D: " NOW THAT'S A GAME!!!!!"
C: "But I'll still have to say Kariya 10-4!!!!"
D: "I agree. Kariya 11-6!"
B: "Is God the head coach of the Heaven All Stars?"
A: "Yeah"
B: "Kariya, 5-3!!!"
A: "Well, it'll be a battle. But in dodecaheptuple-ovahtime, It'll be
    KARIYA 1-0, when Moses misses the save and parts the mid-court instead!
    And on that note, dis is the Orono fan club sayin until next time, it's.."
A,B,C,D: " DA BEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
 
-HH1