The following article was written by Chris Miller of the Duluth News Tribune in
Duluth, Minnesota.  He writes this each year at this time, and I thought many of
you would enjoy seeing what he has to say.
 
 
 
HERBIES' HONOR GOONS, BUFFOONS--AND MUCH MORE
 
We were too busy celebrating Thanksgiving to realize it, but most of the
wackiness of the Western Collegiate Hockey Association season happened in
Madison, Wis., in late November.
 
You'll have to read deep into this column to find out why, however.  It's all
part of the thrilling 33rd annual Herbie Awards, which ignore the glorious and
great and instead recognize the underachieving and accident-prone.  The
 worthless invisible statuettes are named, for lack of a better candidate, after
 this
writer, whose childhood nickname separated him from the other four kids named
Chris in his classroom.
 
The envelopes, please:
 
ELIZABETH TAYLOR AWARD for the strangest honeymoon:  To Michigan Tech winger
Kelly Hurd, who got married between series in his hometown of Castlegar, British
Columbia.  He and his bride then drove back to Houghton, Mich., in a 1982
 ToyotaCorolla which broke down three times en route.  Hurd missed the next
 series,
reportedly stranded in Montana.
 
LOSING HERTZ AWARD for rental car abuse:  To the Denver coaching staff.  Head
 man Frank Serratore, starting a recruiting trip on Monday, Oct. 8, rented a
Chrysler New Yorker in Seattle for $28 a day and unlimited mileage.  He drove to
Vancouver, Kelowna, Calgary, Regina and Grand Forks by Thursday.  Assistant Mike
Gibbons then took the car to St. Paul, Dubuque, Rochester, Buffalo, Toronto,
Detroit, Minneapolis, Saskatchewam, and British Columbia by the following
Thursday before driving to Seattle to turn it in.  Said Serratore:  "I'd pay to
see the face of the girl at the rental place."
 
GOON OF THE YEAR:  Diminutive Colorado College sophomore center John Mooney is a
 surprise winner.  Mooney picked up four major penalties, three for spearing.
The last came when he poked St. Cloud State's Brett Stewart in a post-game
handshake line.  Mooney got a four game suspension for the final spearing and
the school added another tow games.  The Moon Man, as a result, sat out 12 games
for his various offenses.
 
ALL-GOON TEAM:  Not a difficult six to pick.
The forwards are Mooney (see accomplishments above), Minnesota's Ben Hankinson
(who gets extra credit because, as he fought North Dakota's Dave Hakstol on the
ice, his father was fighting in the stands) and Northern Michigan's Dreaded
Steady and Ready Eddie Ward.
The defensemen are Michigan Tech's Darcy Martini, a three-time repeater who set
a WCHA penalty record, and Wisconsin's Sean Hill, who could have set league
records for penalties and goals by a defenseman if he hadn't missed several
games.  Hill, however, did show remarkable restraint in not dismantling a
roommate who accidentally put Hill's contact lenses (which were soaking in a
glass) in the dishwater.
The All-Goon goalie is Chad Erickson of UMD, who wrapped up the honor by
destroying any garbage can in his way after a recent overtime loss at North
Dakota.  The guy in those Friday the 13th moveis, Jason, has nothing on Bad
Chad when it comes to swinging the stick.  Just ask...
 
JIMMY DURANTE AWARD winner for nosiest nose:  Referee Greg Shepherd, who skated
up to Erickson during a game at Wisconsin to say, "Nice save."  The goalie
didn't see Shepherd but, as usual, was swinging his stick for no apparent
reason and nailed the zebra right on the schnoz, resulting in a heap o' bleedin'
and several stitches.
 
GET ME YOUR BOSS AWARD:  To Denver defenseman Brett Petersen.  The press box at
DU arena hangs near the ice and, after referee Jim Burlew made a call against
the pioneers, Petersen skated to the edge fo the ice and yelled at supervisor of
officials Ron Foyt, who was enjoying some press box popcorn.  Talk about
cutting out the middle man.
 
REPENTANT SINNER AWARD:  To Minnesota goalie Jeff Stolp who, after getting hit
with a 10-minute misconduct by referee Buzz Christensen, meekly asked the
Buzzster,"What do I do?  Go sit in the penalty box?"
 
BUZZY CHRISTENSEN LOOKALIKE AWARD: To Foyt.  Christensen wears a minimum fo
padding while officiating and, in a Northern Michigan-Minnesota game, he
crashed into the dasher, spraining his gluteus tailboneus.  Foyt, enjoying his
press box popcorn, was called to action and finished the game.  Said Minnesota
coach Doug Woog:  "I didn't really notice a difference."
 
RON FOYT AWARD for biggest press box chowhound:  To WDIO-TV's Ray Higgins, who
set DECC Polarena consumption records for a period, a game, and the season.
 
MILLER MALAPROP AWARD:  To yours truly, who, when filing his stories from the
home rink of the Minnesota Gophers, twice referred to it as "Marinucci Arena."
Of course, the late John Mariucci and UMD freshman center Chris Marinucci do
have a lot in common.  Like, they both played hockey on the Range, OK?
 
FROM ONE GAMBLING CAPITAL TO ANOTER AWARD:  To Paul and Joy LaBel of Val Marie,
Saskatchewan, the proud parents of Michigan Tech freshman defenseman Layne
LaBel.  They planned to go to Grand Forks to watch their son play, but he was
injured and didn't make the trip.  Paul and Joy hit the North Dakota night
spots anyway and, in a drawing, won a free trip to Las Vegas.
 
PRIORITIES IN LIFE AWARD:  To Wisconsin center Brett Kurtz, who missed a flight
because he was playing Super Mario Brothers in a video arcade at the Minneapolis
St. Paul Airport.
 
BRAWL OF THE SEASON AWARD:  To Chicago State, which had 11 players ejected
against Illinois State when a fight broke out with one second left in the first
half...hey, wait a minute!  That was a basketball game. My mistake.
 
AND NOW, a special section devoted (almost) exclusively to the events of Nov 22-
24 in Madison, where North Dakota met Wisconsin in a series strewn with award
winners.  In somewhat sequential order, they are:
 
ITALIAN-AMERICAN ANTI-DEFIMATION AWARD:  To the Madison Sheraton Inn, which
 registered Sioux coach Gino Gasparini as Gino Ciccarelli.
 
GOOD NEIGHBOR TO THE NORTH AWARD: To Badger assistant Mike Kemp who, in a game-
program story, seemed to insinuate that it was difficult to get Canadian lads
into more prestigious institutions of higher learning (like Wisconsin).  The
North Dakotans, having a squad made up largely of Canadians, took exception.  As
a matter of fact, they were upset at a lot of stories, which leads to the...
 
DANIEL WEBSTER AWARD:  To Gasparini, who was ticked at a Capital Times story
about Wisconsin goalie Duane Derksen which referred to Derksen's short stay as
a freshman at North Dakota.  When Cap Times scribe Brad Falduto approached a
post-game press conference, Gasparini suggested that if one looked up the word
for a certain body part in the dictionary, Falduto's picture would be next to it
 
WEARY WRITER'S AWARD:  Goes, then to Falduto.  After covering the Badgers for
half a season, he accepted a job with the Anchorage Times covering Alaska-
Anchorage and, as a result, got to make two road trips to Duluth in one season.
Which is quite a thrill for out-of-towners.
 
GENDER BENDER AWARD:  To the Hockey News, the bible of the sport.  Virg Foss of
the Grand Forks Herald blistered Wisconsin in a column on the Kemp affair and
the Hockey News, in reporting the tempest, referred to Virgil (the dean of WCHA
writers) as Virginia.
 
As long as we're on media awards, let's not forget the...
 
PRO WRESTLING ANNOUNCER'S AWARD:  To KDAL's Rik Jordan, who, when interviewing
Falduto in early January, asked, "Did Gino hit you or shove you?"  And the...
 
DEMANDING AN ANATOMICAL IMPOSSIBILITY AWARD:  To Jim "Richie" Rich, who, after
UMD edged North Dakota, told a bewildered audience on a WEBC postgame show that,
"You can bet Gino's going to take out his tongue and do some lashing."