Hello everyone. I am posting a column that David Bailey wrote for the
Campus  that appeared in Wednesday's paper. Although it is not really
Maine hockey related, there are a few items on his list which I am sure
some will take notice too...and might even laugh at.
 
By Dave Bailey
Maine Campus staff
 
While digging through some old microfilm a few months ago, I unearthed
an old Portland Press Herald column by Hank Burns from 1977, in which
he listed a number of sports-related items that he termed "bush"--
stuff like Howard Cosell, aluminum bats, and Bruce Jenner on Wheaties
boxes.
Needless to say, this is a list in dire need of updating. And so, with
all due apologies to Mr. Burns and the Press Herald, here is the 1990s
guide to what's bush in sports (though a few non-sports goodies are
tossed in as well).
* T-shirts with "UMaine Engineering" emblazoned on the front are bush.
* Placing AstroTurf in the new Alfond Stadium is bush.
* Those UMaine hats with the "M" in a circle are bush.
* Boston University axing football on Homecoming Day is very bush.
* Monday Night Football became bush whenever Frank Gifford or Dan
Dierdorf opened their mouths (Thank God Gifford got axed. Now if they
could only do something about Dierdorf...).
* The Carolina Hurricanes are bush.
* Sterling and Shannon Sharpe are equally bush.
* Dan Shaughnessy is so bush that if he was on a cruise and was tossed
overboard, the other passengers would hand him an anchor instead of a
life preserver. And no charges would be filed, either.
* People who jog in the middle of the street at 5 a.m. in the middle of
a rainstorm are bush.
* Indoor soccer is bush.
* Diamondbacks owner Jerry Colangelo is bush for throwing $18 million
at Andy Benes after saying he wouldn't give out any big-money contracts.
* The Orlando Magic's p.a. announcer is totally bush.
* Anyone who defends Albert Belle is bush.
* Any injury report listed as "day-to-day" is bush.
* Putting the World Series and All-star Game logos on the players' hats
is really, really bush.
* All multipurpose stadiums are bush.
* The UNH hockey fans are bush.
* Any NBA promotional spot with a Hollywood phony proclaiming, "I Love
This Game!" is terribly bush.
* Shaquille O'Neal's attempts at acting are bush.
* Channel 5's pre-empting of last November's Florida-Florida State game
in favor of "Xena" is so bush that it's not even funny.
* The way Jerome Bettis markets himself (e.g., "The Bus") is bush.
* Fantasy leagues are bush, as is anyone who cheerfully brags about
playing in one.
* NBC's refusal to put the game score on the screen is bush.
* Those New York Yankees hats that come in any color EXCEPT navy blue
are bush.
* Cheesehead hats are rapidly becoming bush.
* Any minor league team with a "cute" logo or a two-part name (e.g. ,
"Ice Bats") is bush.
* Dennis Rodman is bush.
* But so isn't dissing Dennis Rodman.
* "I survived the '98 Ice Storm" T-shirts are tacky as well as bush.
* Needless to say, the Wave is bush.
* Basketball and hockey coaches who don't wear ties (see the
now-unemployed Doug Collins) are bush.
* The zone blitz is bush.
* NBA teams that can win without scoring 90 points are bush.
* Playing a tape of organ music at a hockey game instead of an actual
organ is really bush.
* The fact that you have to throw four pitches for an intentional walk
is bush.
* Putting pro football and hockey in Nashville is bush.
* College football and basketball teams that preach endlessly about
tradition and then see nothing wrong with putting a big fat "swoosh" on
the front of the shirts are bush.
* The fact that a pack of baseball cards now costs more than a pack of
ciggies is bush.
* Selling cappuccino at hockey games is bush.
* QVC selling Denver Broncos Super Bowl championship merchandise mere
seconds after the final gun is extremely bush.
* The movement to put Shoeless Joe in the Hall of Fame is bush, even if
it is being led by Ted Williams.
* So is the "bring back instant replay" movement.
* Batters who erase the back end of the batter's box at the beginning
of every game are bush.
* Kevin Greene, Ricky Watters, Bryan Cox, Keyshawn Johnson, Greg Lloyd,
Carmen Policy, and any of the other crybabies in the NFL are bush.
* FOX's Howie Long is bush for his continuous defense of them.
* Anything out of Stuart Scott's mouth on "NFL Primetime" or
"SportsCenter" is bush.
* So is anything out of Roger Clemens' mouth, for that matter.
* The ESPY's are hideously bush.
* The fact that Yale has two nicknames (Bulldogs and Elis) is bush.
Just what the hell is an Eli, anyway?
* The Metrodome is bush.
* The NHL's in-the-crease rule is bush.
* Old-Timers Days were once cute, but now they're bush, too.
* Any cable outlet that doesn't carry the Classic Sports Network is
bush.
* Harness racing is bush.
* People who slam the AFC are bush.
* The Major League Baseball Players Association is bush.
* Releasing merchandise of expansion teams that don't play for another
three years is bush.
* The new Mighty Ducks shirts are bush.
* Grown men wearing those new Mighty Ducks shirts are bush.
* Keith Olbermann is totally bush.
* People who tuck in their hockey shirts are bush.
* Any team that wears an anniversary patch just for the sake of wearing
a special patch is bush. Who really cares bout a team's 95th
anniversary?
* The lack of support for men's hoops here is bush.
* Any schmuck in a white hat with "Cocks" emblazoned on the front is
bush.
* All other white collegiate hats are bush, for that matter. The same
goes for those "U.S. Baseball/Hockey/Golf" hats that seem to be the
rage among college preppies.
* People who waste their time complaining about what's bush are
probably the bushest ones of them all.